Mountebank History of Scotland

#21 - Mary Queen of Scots ('The Rough Wooings')

The Rough Wooings aren't just Alex Salmond's idea of flirting, they were also a series of punitive raids launched by England's 'ultra gammon' monarch Henry VIII to try and force Scotland into a marriage pact using intimidation and violence, 'Phil Mitchell style'

End of Series One (time for a wee break)

After 20 episodes and a thousand years of Scottish history Mountebank is taking a wee break. I will be back in no time at all with my episodes on Mary Queen of Scots, in the meantime please continue to nominate deserving folk to receive bottles and whisky and mind and leave me a wee bit of money on 'Buy Me a Coffee' so I can buy them :)

#20 - James V

James V was the greatest patron of renaissance architecture in Scotland, he loved beautiful paintings, beautiful buildings, beautiful poetry but also loved tying people to barrels of tar and burning them alive; he's Scotland's Hannibal Lecter - he didn't eat them unless they were deep-fat fried

 

 

 

#19 - James IV

James IV was Scotland's renaissance king and by far the most popular of the seven king James of Scotland, just like the Rocky Franchise; although James IV didn't defeat his enemy, in fact he died spectacularly so I suppose he's probably more like Apollo Creed

#18 - James III

James III is arguably the worst of all the Stewart monarchs which is really saying something, that’s like being the most incompetent member of Boris Johnson's cabinet, no mean feat.

#17 - James II

James II was a king with a deep fascination, an obsession, with cannons and heavy artillery who was ultimately killed by one of his own cannons - so just like every American who buys a gun to 'protect their family' then ends up getting shot by their toddler.

#16 - James I

James I is the most enigmatic of Stewart monarchs, no one seems to able to decide if he was utterly brilliant or utterly shite - he was the 15th century's 'Gerry Cinnamon'

#15 - Robert II and Robert III

Robert II despite being well past his best when he became king Robert II continued to tour Scotland until he was 74 years old, he had 20 children through two marriages, and was for all intent purposes utter shite - Rod Stewart has very much modelled his career on that of 'Rod II'. His successor Robert III considered himself to be the worst king Scotland has ever had, his dying wish was that he be buried in a midden so they did the next best thing and buried him in Paisley.

#14 - David II

David II was the son of Robert The Bruce and that's a lot of pressure, they are some seriously big boots to fill - it's a bit like how Sir Alex Ferguson's son is a football manager, your dad is the most successful, the most famous and instantly recognisable Scottish king of all time and you're managing Peterborough United or whatever Gammon town in England Darren Ferguson is the manager of. 

#13 - Robert The Bruce (The Declaration of Arbroath)

The Declaration of Arbroath was affirmed at Arbroath Abbey on the 6th of April 1320. The Declaration decreed that should the king be deemed to be an ineffectual leader then his subjects had the right to replace him - this was back in the days when being a complete  f*ck head was seen as being undesirable in a leader, unlike now where it is a necessary attribute to become leader of the 'free world'